By Madame Blavotnik, transcribed from the Fourth Spiral Scroll (abridged)
Haruspicy, the sacred art of reading entrails to divine truth, is not a hobby. It is not a party trick. It is not—despite what my former neighbour implied—a “suspicious meat obsession with theatrical overtones.” Haruspicy is an ancient and noble tradition dating back thousands of years, practiced by seers, sages, and municipal advisors across continents and empires. It is also, quite frankly, the only reliable method of prediction left in a world dominated by flawed data and inconsistent astrology.
This guide has been prepared for the serious beginner. Not the curious dabbler, nor the bored sceptic. If you are reading this in earnest—and you must—then you are already on the path. The organs are waiting.
I. Understanding the Call
No one becomes a haruspex by accident. Perhaps you’ve felt a pull when walking past the butcher’s counter. Perhaps you dream of symmetrical kidneys. Perhaps a dove exploded mid-flight while you were waiting for a bus. These are all common signs.
The call is not loud, but it is persistent. You will know it by the quiet nausea, the irregular patterns in your own pulse, the feeling that the answers are just beneath the skin—literally.
If you are still unsure, attempt this simple test: close your eyes and ask, “What does the spleen want me to know?” If your mind replies with anything other than silence, you are ready.
II. Gathering Your Tools
A true haruspex does not need expensive equipment. But quality matters. The ritual demands both precision and respect. Here is what you will need:
• A clean, flat surface (wood is traditional; marble is acceptable; melamine must be ritually sealed with saltwater and vinegar)
• A sharp blade or set of poultry shears
• Disposable gloves (or washable silk, if performing a formal reading)
• A journal for recording interpretations (not lined; the organs dislike lines)
• A quiet space where no one will interrupt you or report you to the council
You will also need a specimen.
This should be:
• Ethically sourced (expired pets are discouraged but not banned)
• Intact (no pre-boning, no ready meals)
• Preferably warm (room temperature is tolerable, but do not use frozen cuts unless interpreting static truths)
Popular beginner options include chickens, rabbits, and Tesco’s “Whole Corn-Fed Deluxe” range. Some traditionalists favour goats, but this requires experience, permission, and a strong wrist.
III. Preparing the Space
The site of reading is sacred. It must be cleansed, declared, and gently threatened.
Begin by sweeping the area. Remove all metal except for ritual tools. Close doors, windows, and portals (physical and metaphysical). Light a single candle—not scented. Speak aloud the opening phrase:
“Organs of fate, coils of the unseen, reveal what writhes beneath.”
At this point, if your candle flickers, continue. If it extinguishes, leave immediately and do not return until the next full moon.
IV. The Incision
With your specimen placed respectfully on the tray or surface, steady your breath. This is not butchery. This is communion.
Make a single, deliberate cut along the central cavity. Do not rush. If the blade slips, start over. Haruspicy is about intention.
Once the cavity is open, allow the organs to settle. Do not touch them. Do not arrange them. Let the body speak. Observe how they fall. Do they cluster to one side? Do they form familiar shapes? Do any parts seem unusually vibrant, inflated, or dry?
These are signs. Do not dismiss them.
If the liver appears forked, that may indicate a coming political split. If the gallbladder pulses, beware of contracts. If you hear a hum—document it, but do not attempt interpretation without supervision.
V. Reading the Signs
There are four major components to any visceral reading:
1. Symmetry – Are the organs balanced? Asymmetry may point to a personal or national imbalance.
2. Colour – Pale organs indicate hidden motives. Deep red signals urgency or betrayal. Grey is always spiritual decay.
3. Temperature – If the organs cool rapidly, the subject is not to be trusted. Warmth lingering in the spleen suggests latent opportunity.
4. Movement – If any organ shifts unprovoked, pay attention. Especially if it rolls toward you.
Begin your reading by selecting a focal organ. Most novices use the liver. Note its texture, edges, and how it connects to the surrounding tissue. Compare it to previous specimens if possible.
Speak your findings aloud, then write them down. The act of writing solidifies the prophecy.
Do not edit your entries. The entrails do not care for grammar.
Example journal entry:
“Gallbladder puffy. Spleen reclining. Loops tight. Centre holds. Liver ridge suggests pressure from above—governmental or atmospheric. Avoid airports. Plant nothing. Watch for owls.”
VI. Aftercare and Clean-Up
Dispose of your specimen respectfully. Options include burial, composting (if legally permitted), or ceremonial cremation. Do not refrigerate for later use.
Clean all tools with vinegar and lemon. Do not allow pets to enter the space for at least 12 hours. Open windows. Light incense if approved by your landlord.
Take note of your emotional state. Some beginners experience dizziness, euphoria, or sudden declarations of allegiance to extinct kingdoms. This is normal.
Avoid driving or making financial decisions for at least six hours.
VII. Common Beginner Mistakes
• Over-handling the organs before they’ve had time to settle
• Interpreting literal shapes too quickly (a heart-shaped gallbladder does not mean love)
• Reading in unsuitable locations (e.g., motorway lay-bys, school car parks)
• Forgetting to close the ritual (“Organs be still. I have heard you.”)
• Attempting to livestream the process (this violates several spiritual and broadcasting regulations)
VIII. Moving Forward in Your Training
You are not expected to master haruspicy overnight. The organs reveal themselves gradually. It is said that a single rabbit can provide a lifetime of insight if examined with patience.
As you progress, consider studying:
• Pattern repetition across multiple specimens
• Entrail concordance with lunar phases
• Regional omens (e.g. Midlands kidneys vs. South Coast livers)
• Historical entrail maps (copies available in our Members’ Area, pending appeal)
Advanced topics such as autoharuspicy, cross-species synchronisation, and political forecasting should only be attempted under licensed supervision or if directly instructed via vision.
Do not engage in competitive readings unless sanctioned by a Guild Elder or shadow tribunal.
IX. Final Thoughts
Haruspicy is not for everyone. It is misunderstood, maligned, and in some jurisdictions—actively discouraged. But for those with the calling, it is the only path that makes sense.
In a world drowning in algorithms, data, and blind probability, only the entrails offer truth unfiltered. Raw. Undeniable. Slightly slippery.
Welcome to your new life. May your organs be generous and your tray forever level.
“The answers were always there. We were just too clean to see them.”
– Madame Blavotnik, 2011 (moments before the first injunction)